Born innocent. Fair skin; so beautiful; emerald eyes.
My face shone so brightly that people felt blessed.
I was an angel in human form; they just couldn’t resist.
They started to fatten on the perversion of innocence.
Daddy walked out; not even a kiss on my tear-stung face.
A serpent planted its seed within my chest.
My heart pumped poison through my veins; I screamed into the dark.
I began my ethereal perversion of innocence.
You wrap your arms around me;
ensure I feel safe and secure.
You hold my hand in the street;
no fear of what we may endure.
Each day you must speak to me;
you need to know I am okay.
Each night you wish me goodnight;
sending your love from far away.
My little world seemed perfect, but not all was well at home. My parents were going through a tough time, and they argued often. I was not sure what it was about because I was only five years old, but it made me anxious and brought a feeling of dread.
By Christmas 1982, the arguments between my parents continued, and they became more aggressive. I hated seeing my parents so angry at each other. I could see the sadness in their eyes, and I could feel heaviness in the house that had not been there before. I wanted to take away their pain, but I had no idea how I could do that.
They came for me while I languished there. They came for me while I sat staring at the stoney walls that imprisoned me. The feeble fire to warm my bones, made pained by the damp and northerly winds over so many years. The rats no longer noticed me; so long we had shared each others company.
They turned the key to open what was now nothing more than my pissing place. My emotions had run dry with time, as if I were sand on a baking desert. No longer did I have great care, with my shadow as my only charge.
I have been thinking of you.
More and more with each passing day.
No one will compare to you.
I wish life allowed you to stay.
I recall your deep hazel eyes.
A secret we still haven’t shared.
While alone, I release my cries.
You’re the one who truly cared.
Inside a fortress I exist,
never to feel the sun upon my face.
There is a brief moment of warmth,
but it is soon removed from this cold place.
I am kept chaste and majestic;
a figure for others to ridicule.
Will I ever be free from here?
Virgin Queen, I keep my silence;
married forever to my fears.
Virgin Queen, I hide my desires;
entwined by far too many tears.
No one can tempt me;
it is all that I know.
I long to be free;
will you be my release?
I’m locked in a transfixed state,
burning with fires of passion.
Deep inside your dark warm eyes,
I travel toward my fate.
To sail across the wild sea,
beyond the hidden fourth world.
Falling straight into your warmth,
where I can be truly free.
Born wicked in a world ruled by the morally superior,
with the power to cause pain and death to those born perverse.
It’s okay to abuse we who lay with man instead of woman.
So violently oppressed, but it is what we deserve.
Born gay; it’s not okay.
Beaten, raped and murdered by heterosexual hate.
Born gay; we’ll burn in hell.
Two men loving each other is an unnatural state.
Throw us from straight towers,
but secretly you’d love to know what it’s like to be gay.
While I lay surrounded by the inpenetrable darkness, my skin trembled beneath its glistening coat of cold sweat and my nightclothes clung to my body as if cling-film wrapped around fresh meat. My fingers grasped the edge of my duvet, while my eyes stared toward the curtained window opposite my bed. What was that? I held my breath while my heart pounded inside my chest.
My eyes squeezed shut while invisible hands squeezed my brain. I gritted my teeth and grabbed my sweltering head. The cold sweat gushed down my blistering face and coursed along the trembling skin of my body.
With you I have no cause to worry;
the pain of my history may be released.
With you I can be honest and naive;
the fear of abusive men is soon decreased.
When I reveal the truth of who I am,
you don’t react like a childish fool.
You understand my age dictates a past;
there was a life I lived before you.